It has been no secret that life has been chaotic in the most recent years. To be honest, this is not special to me. We have all felt loss, in big ways. These losses have come in relationships, connections, and self.
This has held true in my life too. Years ago, I found painting as a form of relief, a way to heal from the inside. Once the healing began, the universe decided to change things in a big way. At first there was a time of reaction. Who do we take care of? What has to be done next? Where is time going? What the heck was that?
Yep this was me every single day. In a matter of 7 years I lost 2 major people in my life both to cancer, both daughters had traumatic events (those are their stories to tell and I respect that), and I (an only child) had to learn to be there for my mom (since she lost her whole world). Aside from these events, other things happened; I became a Nana and my daughter moved back in!
This was all very overwhelming. For the longest time, I was on auto pilot. Each day was going on with just doing the motions. Taking care of everyone has always been who I I thought I had to be. This became my whole being. Would I do it again? The answer is probably. However I learned a great deal about my self, what I want, and what needed to change.
Unfortunately, with all of the focus on others, the art fell a little to the side. I was unwilling to give it up, but it was not getting the attention that I once had given it. I fought, and fought, to keep it going. I kept coming back to creating and trying. Art once healed me, it certainly would do it again. Right?
I truly believe that creativity does wonders for the soul. What I didn’t realize was that I wasn’t doing that part of my life justice. To put that much hurt and pain into my art just made me more and more frustrated. In those years, I renamed my business Chaotic Artist. Life was truly chaotic, and honestly when my best friend told me that is how my life was, I began to embrace it and live that way. Chaos was necessary to survive.
Slowly, I realized how broken I had become. Life seemed complicated and heavy. Fighting my demons (otherwise known as depression and anxiety) had taken a toll. The first reaction was why me? What did I do? That was until I began my new spiritual journey that I realized my broken parts had to be opened and I had to heal other areas so that I could allow peace in. Unfortunately, pouring these feelings into art wasn’t working for me.
Sitting with myself, I began to realize how negative life had become. Whose fault was that? The answer was just me. It was all my fault. From that moment on, I have taken a different approach. Trying to eliminate the negative has been hard. It seems that everyone complains. Heck, I even find myself still going back to that way of thinking. Negativity clouds focus and vision of what people have. I firmly believe, what we focus on, becomes reality.
This focus on the negative has begun to change when I try to find the positive. First it started with the little things. I celebrated the open parking spot at the grocery store (instead of dreading the store). Actually saying out loud, at times to only those spirits around me, Thanks I am so happy this happened because (insert good thing). I have even begun to take it to my employees. They will come in with something negative and I will say, “Okay, but tell me what is the best that can happen?”
So here I am today, mindfully changing my view on life. Is it easy, no. Is it necessary, yes. With that comes a slight change in my name and business. Welcome to Sage Jules. Sage represents clarity and wisdom. This is where we Find Peace after Chaos in life. Chaos was and still is an important part of life. It is just time to release it from the focus, and bring in that clarity and wisdom. We will still be creating, but we will also be talking about hard things, fun things, books, and just things in general. This is a safe space for us all to heal and find the next journey.
I hope you join in the adventures to see where we can grow together.
And remember WHAT’S THE BEST THAT CAN HAPPEN?